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“I didn’t know how to flirt with a guy.” But on Tinder, Landwirth says, he could finally just relax, because the app took some of the guesswork out of things.

There was no fear he’d be hitting on a straight guy — which meant he could finally focus on figuring out who he was attracted to, and whether they were interested in him. I was able to let loose,” he says, “to try the lamest pickup lines or do some serious flirting.” Plus, having these exchanges on the internet felt less intimidating than interacting with someone face-to-face.

You’re just dipping your toe into the queer pond, which can feel much safer …

It’s much harder to sit your parents down for a heart-to-heart than it is to click a box that says ‘I’m looking for women.’” *** These days, there are dozens of mobile dating apps — Bumble, Happn, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel are just a few.

They rarely told me much that mattered about a person, anyway (if you aren’t attracted to someone, for instance, who cares if you are both into the same fan fiction? On Tinder, bios were often brief, sometimes just a few lines and a bunch of emoji — and I was fine with that. encourages us to play ‘hot or not’ and consider how attracted we are to someone’s profile,” says Allison Moon, a queer sex educator and the author of .

Everyone got a quick glance, and my only criteria was whom I felt attracted to. Do enough swiping, and sooner or later you start to develop a sense of what you like.

“I was swiping through the app when some of my friends asked to help out, which — encouraged by a couple of beers — I agreed to,” Ian told me in an email.

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*** In many ways, Landwirth and Vidal’s story is my story, too. But when I downloaded the app, I took a step I’d been wanting to take for a long time: I set my preferences to show me both men and women.

For the most part, though, I still had no idea at that point in my life where to find other women who were like me.

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